Unusual Suspects/Transcript
(Tommy and Marie are seen watching television in the living room.) Man: Harvey! Who drank all the milk!? Harvey: I dunno, who else lives in this house besides you and me and why do you have a glass of milk in your hand? Man: Because I drank all the- Oh you're good. (Tommy and Marie laugh uproariously. Cosmo comes in.) Cosmo: Excuse me! Why're you two wasting away in front of the TV? Tommy: It's Friday, it's after school, we have three days to do our homework. Marie: It's going to rain so I don't see a point in playing baseball. Cosmo: This is how an addiction starts. You kids should never attach yourselves to the TV. Marie: We're fifteen inches away from it dad. Cosmo: It's an expression! Tommy: Look, we're just kids. We'll have plenty of time to dart our eyes to the ceiling, wondering what could've been and wasting away on coffee and aggravation. Cosmo: Believe me, that's preferable. You won't find a single adult who's glued to the screen. (it goes to Colleen's house where Enid, Autumn, Delta, Hanneke and Higgins are watching the same show. All laugh uproariously.) Colleen: Mom, Ms.' Dunning, Bloodworth, Bristow and Higgins, Why're you five wasting away in front of the TV? Enid: It's a free country, and we have nothing better to do. Man: This is exclusive to children! Colleen: Maybe I should talk to Mr. Kadic, he'd feel me on this for sure. (intro plays.) (In Ms. Chapley's class, the students are talking amongst themselves.) Alison: Did you see the latest Harvey and some other guy? Colleen: My mom's obsessed with it. I'd be on board with it but i think I'm getting to the point that I'm supposed to hate everything my parents like. Sam: I'd normally avoid it, but since it barely makes it past a minute, that's actually a huge plus. Tommy: A diversion, if you will. We all need some time to cool down from the insanity in our lives. Alison: What insanity? Tommy: I have things, insane things. ???: Wanna know what's insane? The fact that that show exists. (the students turn to Glan.) Colleen: Oh great, so now I have to like the show unless I want to be lumped with the turd of the day. I really need to learn to make up my own mind on little things. Jenny: Who're you talking to Colleen? Colleen: Seems I need to learn how to do inner monologues too. Jenny: Seriously, who're you talking to? Colleen: Could you hand me my prescription? (Jenny gives it to her and Colleen takes it.) Colleen: Okay I'm good. Glan: Are you done? Alison: We're all good, now what's on your mind mister contrarian? Glan: What do you see in that show? It's stupid, unchallenging and uneventful. Jerry: That's your opinion. Glan: It's just a lazy dumb show, how could you consider it anything but that? Alison: It's short, the one guy doing the voices is competent, the visuals are easy on the eyes and it gives us a laugh a lot of the time. That's all we need. Glan: You should see the light and watch The Super Crime Fighters. It's got action. Francis: Oh yeah, action on par with a Golan-Globus production. I've seen enough action films to get the gist, it might as well be Crackerjack four. Glan: Good animation. Julie: Yeah, animation so good it looks stilted, facial expressions jarringly change and at times lead to creepy moments. Oh and it's ugly too. Glan: Good emotional moments. Georgina: Ripped out of every drama book ever. Seriously I read more than anyone in this class. Sam: By the way, I don't exist apparently. Glan: What about the characters? Dante: Wow, two-dimensional characters with a black and white mentality. Really impressed. Ms. Chapley: Are you all done? Alison: You know Glan, just go on with... whatever. Ms. Chapley: Finally. Now- (the intercom is heard.) Cosmo: Attention please! Ms. Chapley: Fine, I'll wait again, sheesh. Cosmo: I want the following students to come to my office. Julie: This should be good. Cosmo: Julie Dallow. Julie: Wait... Cosmo: Emily Blythe, Ashley Yorke, Fiona Kennedy, Victor Fulton, Jupiter Mason, Bernadette Shunt and Thaddeus Delbert Winthrop. (the students look around.) Cosmo: Who if you didn't know is Corky. Emily: This is a load of bu- Cosmo: Take all complaints in the principal's office! (all eight exit the room.) Ms. Chapley: Okay, now we could- (the bell rings and the students run out.) Ms. Chapley: Why... WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST ALGEBRA!? (The eight are seen in Cosmo's office.) Julie: Okay, what's up? Cosmo: Well we don't know do we? All I know is that my butt's stuck to my chair, the central air smells like farts, there're rats in the cafeteria, and these movers have been taking stuff out of the office because I was apparently signed up for a bogus charity! (two men come in. One pulls out a carpet the kids are standing on while another takes Cosmo's desk.) Emily: Geez man, come on! Cosmo: See what I mean? Fiona: Yeah, but what does this have to do with us? We didn't do something like this. Cosmo: I got an anonymous tip. As you could tell, I'm livid! I'd show you how much if they didn't take my stinking desk! Julie: Principal Kadic, we swear we didn't have anything to do with this. Emily: Yeah, sometimes we do practical jokes, but not something like this. Victor: Besides, where's your proof? Cosmo: It's looking at me right now. (the eight look around.) Cosmo: You're the only students here that are willing to pull pranks. For all I know you're pulling my leg so I'd let you off scott free. Ashley: Or even worse, maybe we're telling the truth and you're afraid it might actually be, shock and horror, true. Cosmo: Nice try. Right now I got something for you all. Julie: An apology? Emily: A reevaluation? Ashley: A slap on the wrist? Jupiter: Candy? Cosmo: A suspension. Emily: If you do this to me, I swear I'll- Victor: Stay frosty, we don't want to be tied to something we'd actually do. Cosmo: Too late for that it seems. NOW BEAT IT! (the kids, except Victor, run away. He goes into a kung-fu stance and Cosmo pulls out a golf club.) Cosmo: Come on. (The others pull Victor to the door.) (it goes to the cafeteria.) Alison: This doesn't make any sense. Why would Julie and Emily get blamed for anything? Colleen: Former street rat and former snitch, teamed up with a nihilist, psychopath, egotist, slow-wit and whatever the heck Bernadette and Corky are. Alison: What're you trying to say? Colleen: They're the most likely to pull of something that'd be enough to cheese up Principal Kadic. Sam: They had a long way to go before becoming relatively good, for all we know, they really did do something and they just didn't have the guts to tell us. Jerry: And now we're at a disadvantage, and chances are something crazy's going to happen. It always does. (it goes to Clifford. Glan bumps into him.) Clifford: Hey! Black shirts studded with a skull and crossbones aren't cheap you know! Glan: It was a mistake! Do you think I did this on purpose!? Clifford: Did what? Bump into me or make a run-on sentence? Glan: I will defeat you! Clifford: Oh, I get it, you're basing me on that generic villain from The Super Crime Fighters. If you plan on fighting me, just bail. Glan: You will pay! (Glan attempts to fight Clifford, but is unable to make any damage.) Clifford: This is sorta underwhelming... (Clifford picks up Glan and throws him into a trash can.) Clifford: When will people learn? (it goes to Julie, Emily, Ashley, Fiona, Victor, Corky, Jupiter and Bernadette. They're playing basketball in an alleyway court.) Victor: So how'd your folks handle the suspension biz? Ashley: Yelled at me, sent me to my room, forced me to eat garbage. Julie: Seriously? Ashley: Yeah, frozen pizza that's past due. Victor: What about you Bernie? Bernadette: First, don't call me that, ever. Second, my dad was actually happy. If college is going to be as insane as middle school, I think I'd be better off going into work training. Victor: Jupiter? Jupiter: Well, my daddy had me play his favorite game. Pants around the ankles and- Victor: I don't wanna know, I think I have an idea... Julie: Look guys, I'd love to complain about an unfair suspension as much as the next guy, but there's only one thing we could do now. Bernadette: Move to Idaho and become potato farmers? Julie: No. We need to confront the only other person who'd have leeway in suspending us. Ms. Chapley. Victor: I know where you're heading with this, I decline. Julie: Come on, show some backbone for one in your life. Victor: I'd rather do Bernadette's idea. Julie: Okay, how about this? You sink this next basket, and we don't have to go. Victor: Easily done my friend. (Victor throws the ball. Slow motion scene occurs.) Ashley: Come on come on, in the hole. Fiona: Go in, nothing but net. Victor: Save me the trouble you crazy wad. (the ball misses the hoop.) Bernadette: More like easier said than done. Victor: Cute. But that just leaves one thing, where does Chapstick even live? Julie: Well... okay you got me there, but it's either her or having to spend the rest of the school year with our thumbs up our butts. Jupiter: Let's follow the bouncing trashcan. Victor: What're you talk- Oh I see. Julie: Worth a shot. (the eight follow the trashcan. They're led to an alleyway where the can crashes. Glan's inside of it.) Julie: Glan Dular, shocker. Emily: Let me guess, you had Viorgo on the brain? Ashley: Who? Emily: It's a Super Crime Fighters thing, someone had to call it. Glan: Someone has to stand up to that bully. Julie: No offence, but that shouldn't be left to a scrawny guy in a baggy tank top. Glan: Shouldn't be left to a bunch of delinquents either. Emily: Hey, back off! We didn't do anything! Glan: You would've, if you had the chance. You're all punks and never do wells. Julie: Where have you been for the past few years? I have a rough exterior, but I'm good at my core. I came to Emily when no one else would, okay sure we were paired that time, but I stuck with her. Emily: I used to be a snitch and unable to hold any friendships down, but even this is a much better direction for me to take. Victor: The rest of us are just mischievous. Glan: Hence, bad. Ashley: Black and white, just like your ridiculous cartoon. Glan: You don't know anything. Victor: Face it, only a very vocal minority cares about shows that take themselves too seriously. Glan: I oughta cut you eight out of me! Emily: When you're done whining, maybe you could tell us how to get to Ms. Chapley's house? (Glan runs away.) Victor: Guys? Julie: Well, we're stuck until we could find Ms. Chapley's house. Emily: Let's go to my place. I'll think of something. Victor: Why your place? Emily: Do you have cable? Victor: Yes. Emily: Premium? Victor: Hmph. (at night, we see Glan watching TV.) Glan: These people don't know quality. They'd rather watch mindless trash than quality shows. (the screen flashes.) Glan: Darn box. ???: There is nothing wrong with your screen. Do not attempt to adjust your set. Glan: Doesn't seem like something isn't wrong. (Glan goes to fix the TV but gets an electrical shock, collapsing soon after.) ???: Wow, what an idiot. (it goes into a dream sequence. Glan awakens in a darker version of his living room, with characters from his show staring at him with red eyes. He runs away and falls down a chute, where he keeps running and we see he's on a hamster wheel.) (the next morning, Glan is seen scrawling on his desk. Ms. Chapley throws a booklet of paper on his desk.) Ms. Chapley: You have plenty of time to draw Dular, but now you have more important things to worry about. Glan: You gave me an F. Ms. Chapley: This was an assignment on historical wars, not about what happened in a cartoon show. Glan: But Hexargon's War is a war on par with World War II. Colleen: I agree, in terms of it being a painful slog that caused emotional damage to old dudes everywhere. Glan: It had- Colleen: Angst, whining, if I wanted either I'd listen to Korn. Glan: SHUT UP! Ms. Chapley: Don't let a cartoon consume your life. It's, you know, a cartoon! Glan: It's not just a cartoon! Alison: You're right, it's a stupid cartoon. (the students laugh at Glan.) (it goes to Julie and the others.) Victor: You sure this is the place? Emily: This is the address I got from the New England Teachers Bureau. Ashley: Question is, who's dumb enough to go first? Bernadette: We're all more than capable of doing it. School's in session, there's no chance she has anyone waiting at home, and we won't be in there for more than an hour, two tops. Julie: Hello? Security system, us potentially leaving evidence. Victor: And you wanted us to confront her. Julie: I meant after school, when she'd be home. Ashley: Look, we're all the way out in Hatton, the next bus won't be here for another hour, let's make the most of it and try to find some evidence in Chapstick's house. Victor: If anyone asks, it's Julie's idea. Julie: I'll be sure to tell the principal about the fudge bomb you planted in the girls; bathroom when you do. Victor: Let's just go. (the eight look around the house for an opening.) Fiona: The windows are locked, even the screens. Emily: There's no key under the mat. (Ashley looks under a crawlspace and sees spiders.) Ashley: Nope, nothing under here. Victor: Nothing around here either. Jupiter: What about that crawlspace? Ashley: What crawlspace? Jupiter: The one you're standing in front of, the one with those spiders crawling out of it. Ashley: It's nothing. Victor: It's just the thing we need to get in. Get in there. Ashley: No w- (Victor throws her into the crawlspace and they go to the front door. Ashley screams the entire way upstairs and opens the door.) Victor: See? Nothing to it. (Ashley punches Victor in the nose.) (it goes to Cosmo in his office, on the phone.) Cosmo: It's as much of a mystery to me as it is to you Mrs. Thompson. I'm with you, cartoons can be as much of a root as video games but- Hey, don't knock Goldeneye, that game's a piece- Okay fine, I guess I'll turn that detention into a suspension. Hah, that's what I thought. (Colleen walks into the office.) Colleen: Uh... excuse me Principal Kadic. Cosmo: Does this have something to do with cartoons? Colleen: Actually, yes. Cosmo: Okay, come right in. I need someone to complain to. Colleen: Is it Harvey and some other guy? Cosmo: No, it's the Super Crime Fighters. I've had three students reenact scenes from the show today. Colleen: Let me guess, major damage? Cosmo: Exactly. One kid fried all of the computers to reenact some technological bad guy, one overfed the school gerbil, and I just got off the phone with the mother of a kid who fought another group of students. Colleen: It's always the action-oriented ones with hackneyed characters. I guess that's why you suspended Julie and the others huh? Cosmo: Actually I was just going by an anonymous tip. The way she went about the call was so hysteric that I didn't know what to believe. Colleen: She? Cosmo: I don't know if you've noticed, but beyond the lunch ladies we get from the Lunch Union, me and Ms. Chapley are the only ones here. She scopes out trouble and reports it to me. Colleen: No kidding? Cosmo: Colleen, I eat stress for breakfast, my wife left me, my kids are, let's say, equivalent to a stark majority of our more extraordinary students, and I don't remember the last time that idiot Kerry left me alone. Colleen: I don't mean to bug you on this, but do you really think Julie and those other kids did what Ms. Chapley accused them of doing? Cosmo: Honestly, I had a hard time believing it. Julie's smart, Emily's been a lot better under her wing, and their jokes aren't at my expense usually. But apparently, they were around when the offending pranks happened. My hands are tied, but I'm open to a rebuttal. Colleen: Great. At worst they're just annoyances. It's not like they'd want to do anything illegal. Right? (back at Ms. Chapley's house.) Victor: Ugh, this place screams middle-aged woman. Bernadette: A middle-aged woman's gonna scream at us if she catches us in here. Victor: Check the study, the bedroom and the kitchen. Fiona: The kitchen? Victor: Yeah we might as well get something to eat while we're here. (the eight go up to the bedroom.) Julie: Gah! Too girly! Bernadette: I've heard of failure to launch, but this takes it to a whole new level. Fiona: Can we go to the study now? My eyes are starting to burn. (they go into the study.) Victor: If I were to plot against a group of kids, worst case, I'd write about it so I don't forget. (Victor looks around her desk.) Victor: Tax papers, bills, letters to the editor, OH! Julie: What? Victor: A solitary picture with a note on the front. To Hope Chapley, thanks for the constant support on my flagship series. May your days be good, signed Jamie Rix. P.S., as of now you're prohibited by British law to send me any more fan mail. Ashley: Seems the only thing this woman's guilty of is being a whack job. Victor: There's still one place we haven't checked. Julie: We're not stealing food. Victor: The most important things are usually in the least likely places. Besides, I'm starving. (it goes to Glan who's once again watching the show. The screen goes to static again.) TV: You've made it this far. Glan: I have... TV: Your devotion to me knows no bounds. Glan: Only you deserve devotion. TV: I deserve devotion from the rest of the world. Glan: On every network, in every time slot, all across the globe. TV: That's right, and how do you suppose it'll happen? Glan: It'll happen. (Glan rapidly drools and sweats as his eyes swell.) (it goes back to the eight. They look in Ms. Chapley's refrigerator.) Victor: Let's see, five eggs, half a pound of swiss cheese, a pack of whipped butter and a carton of buttermilk. Riveting. Bernadette: Not to mention, a whole lot of apples. Ashley: Wait, that looks like that one apple I gave Ms. Chapley that had the worm in it. Why does she have all of these? Julie: Guess sentimentality goes a long way. Victor: Apparently not long enough to warrant actual food. Julie: Let's just go, we're already going to get into actual trouble. Jupiter: Ooh, let me take care of this flickering bulb first. (Jupiter turns the bulb and the fridge turns, revealing a secret passage.) Victor: And you were skeptical of coming into the kitchen. (the eight go into the secret passage. They hear loud chewing.) Victor: We're not alone here... Emily: Have we happened upon a darker than we bargained for secret. (a hand touches Emily and everyone screams at the sight of it. They see it's just Jupiter eating a pound of swiss cheese.) Jupiter: What? I was hungry. Victor: Let's get a move on, there's no telling what perils we will face, luckily, I will lead us all to- Bernadette: I found a surveillance room! Victor: Or that'll happen. (cut to the manor. Alison, Colleen, Sam, Becky, Jerry and Jenny are present.) Jerry: Are Julie and Emily still part of the team? Colleen: Guess they're too ashamed to show their faces over that suspension. Sam: If we knew what happened, we could try and and help them through it. Guess it must've been THAT bad. Alison: Well, at least nothing's going on tonight, then again what would we need a punk with a heart of gold and a cold-blooded hulk for anyways? (they hear a crash outside.) Jerry: Investigation? Because I don't have a death wish. (knocking is heard.) Alison: Anyone? Fine, I'll do it. (Alison opens the door and sees Glan.) Alison: Oh man, Glan Dular you have a serious problem. (Glan grabs Alison, and he works his way to the others.) Sam: Why didn't you do something!? Jerry: What? And ruin the plot? (back to the eight.) Victor: A security room? Why does she even have this? It's not like there's anything worth swiping in here. Emily: Wait, look at what's on the monitors. Principal's office, cafeteria, she's monitoring the school. Julie: The school huh? That gives me an idea. Victor: We should make a hidden camera show and become millionaires? Julie: No, let's review the footage and use it to prove our innocence. If my memory serves right, the pranks occurred in the lunchroom and the office. (they rewind the office footage. They see Ms. Chapley come in and pour glue onto the seat. They then review the cafeteria footage and see Ms. Chapley unleashing rats. Finally, they see her throwing fart bombs into the air conditioning system.) Victor: No way, Chapstick's behind this? Bernadette: To drive the point home, I found out about that charity thing, Furniture for First Years. Julie: Why would she do this to us? We're not that bad. Victor: We're helpful, creative and smart too. Ms. Chapley: I wouldn't say smart. (the kids scream when they see her.) (back to the Halloween Kids.) Alison: What the heck do you want from us Glan? Colleen: If it's an apology, death is a much better option. Glan: Super Crime Fighters, good, you agree. Alison: No, we don't. Glan: They agree. (Glan reveals the Elites are present, having gone through the same effects as Glan.) Colleen: Again, death is a better option. Glan: Super Crime Fighters, watch, you agree. Colleen: Again, dying's better. Jerry: For the record we want out, but not through the sweet release of death. Glan: Death, not an option, Super Crime Fighters, you watch. (Glan activates a monitor and an episode plays.) Colleen: Ech, they look like mutants! Alison: I think we're going to look no better soon. (back to the eight.) Ms. Chapley: What're you doing in my house!? Victor: Hey, if anyone has questions to be asked, it's us. Why the heck did you frame us? Ms. Chapley: Well why did you break into my house? Emily: Why did you frame us which prompted us to break into your house? Ms. Chapley: Why're you answering my question with another question? Ashley: Why won't you answer our question? Ms. Chapley: Why didn't you answer my question to begin with? Jupiter: Do you have any more cheese? (everyone looks at her.) Julie: What? I'm still hungry. Ms. Chapley: Okay, I'll bite. I'm sick of all eight of you. You defy me- Julie: Only when you're at your worst. Ms. Chapley: Like I was saying. Every time I try to do something that you don't agree with, you stifle me, humiliate me. Ashley: You could live with us getting off without learning anything. Ms. Chapley: You've destroyed the only copy of my town anthem video. Fiona: You've been playing it nonstop, everyone wanted to do the same. Bernadette: Plus it veers into propaganda territory. Ms. Chapley: You helped Meeks, Perrino and Dunning get away with political manipulation. Emily: You brought a wolf in to maul them to teach a lesson that barely had anything to do with what they did wrong. Ms. Chapley: Well... you... you broke into my house, yeah that's good. Julie: Only because we got suspended for something we didn't do, but you did. How're you any better than us? Ms. Chapley: I never said I was better than any of you. I just want results, and I got them. You won't be a bother to me anymore. Corky: We may not be a bother to you, but who's to say nobody else would take our place? There will be another punk, another snitch gone, well I'd leave it up to you, we're the cream of the crop, but we're willing to accept that our places will be taken. So go ahead, suspend us, we'll be sure to take in your next victims and assure them that they could go outside the lines. Bernadette: Dude, this is literally the first time anyone of us heard you speak. Ms. Chapley: I'd love to reevaluate my beliefs, but I'd like to remind you that all punishments are final, and if you even think about telling Mr. Kadic about what you saw, I'll tell the police you broke into my house. Julie: Fine. Ms. Chapley: Good, now get lost. (the eight leave and go to an alleyway.) Julie: Well guys, I guess this is it. Emily: You do know that we were just suspended, right? Julie: It's the principal. If people are willing to ruin our lives just because we think a little differently, how could we survive the remainder of the school year post suspension? Fiona: You're right. I mean, who would trust someone with, ahem, my tendencies? Ashley: At least you have a quirk, all I have is contempt for the world. Not gonna fly when the yuppies come in. Julie: If my folks were around, they'd send me to military school. Emily: They'd move me to a boarding school, in Nova Scotia. Ashley: I'd probably just get lectured and then run away. Bernadette: My parents wouldn't mind, but deep down I'd feel like a loser. Victor: Come on, so we're still suspended and we're probably going to have a criminal record that'll haunt us for the rest of our lives, plus there's the chance our folks will send us to torture camps masqueraded as prep schools, but that's not so bad right? Jupiter: I... I think I'm going to be sick! And it's not because of that cheese! (Jupiter breaks down crying. The others console her.) Cosmo: Julie, and the others, what're you doing out in Hatton? Julie: We tried to find proof that we didn't do those pranks. Emily: Somehow we were better off not bothering. Cosmo: Well you could relax, I pooled over the school security footage and I found the actual culprit. Bernadette: Wait, that's all it took? We've incriminated ourselves for nothing? Cosmo: What do you mean you- Wait, did you break into Ms. Chapley's house? Julie: We would never dream of doing something like that unless we had to- Cosmo: Well I would if I could so why wouldn't you? Now unfortunately, all punishments are final, provided there's nothing that could be done to make up for it. Emily: And there isn't? Cosmo: There wasn't, but guess what? I had a phone call before, all of Ms. Chapley's class are missing. I normally don't want kids to handle this, but given that you've been wrongly suspended and it's far too late for me to fix that mistake, this could be your chance to get back in. Jupiter: *sniff* W-would you really be kind enough to d-do something like that? Cosmo: If I didn't I'd be haunted over this, then I'd be so mad over it I'd have to run the entire school myself. It's all up to you. Julie: Well guys? Victor: Forget it, it was your idea to go see Ms. Chapley, and you know how we go into things blindly. Julie: We have a chance at revoking a wrongful suspension and now you get cold feet? Ashley: We're going against a greater force, I'm sure, and only one of us has a winning edge. It'd be a slaughter. Julie: Emily- Emily: No way, I had a hard time controlling it even when I was calm. Only reason I kept it together was because I had an objective clear in my mind. It's too risky. Julie: Fiona? Fiona: As if. Julie: Does anyone want in on this!? Jupiter: I do. (Jupiter goes up to Julie.) Jupiter: Anything to keep us from drifting apart. Julie: Okay, how about this? Have you forgotten the times I helped you out? Ashley: Since when? Julie: You remember Biff? Ashley: Can't say that I wanted to. Julie: You came to me when he started messing with you. I walked you home every day and made sure he didn't bug you. Ashley: Yeah, that was pretty nice. Julie: And Fiona, if it hadn't been for me encouraging you to accept your pseudo-insanity, you wouldn't be so open to talking to people. Fiona: To be honest, it just encouraged me to visit a therapist. Now I'm just mostly insane. Jupiter: Victor, you're like a younger brother to me. I talked to you plenty of times. Victor: And I love you for it. (the others look at him.) Victor: In a sibling fashion. Jupiter: Bernadette, I helped you get your hair the way your old stylist used to do it. Bernadette: You followed the instructions to a T, nobody else had the patience to do it. Julie: And Emily, even after you got me turned into a part-hulk part-mosquito monster, I still let you within eyeshot, I took you in, I made you an honorary Halloween Kid. Emily: You got me there. Julie: Corky, I know you'd be along for the ride no matter what. Have I got through to you people? Victor: Well chances are we won't be seeing each other no matter what. Let's give it a shot. (the eight do a hand stack.) All: For... making up for Ms. Chapley's immaturity! (back to the Halloween Kids.) Glan: You may speak, Cr0. Cr0: Your minds will be putty in my hands. I intend to access cable networks across the globe, showing the Super Crime Fighters on an endless loop, breeding an army of my own. And I'm telling you this because you can't do anything about it. Alison: Someone will... stop you... Cr0: I'm well aware of your ranks. I have your most powerful here right now, and it's only a matter of time before I get the remainder. (it goes to the eight.) Victor: So how're we supposed to find the others exactly? Julie: Normally, I'd go to my group but since all of our class was taken, they might be gone too. Emily: Well it's not like we're going to get a lead or an idea of where they could be so soon. (they see a group of kids, swollen glands, walking along the road.) Emily: Worth a shot. (The eight pretend to be like them and follow them to a TV station.) Bernadette: WHET? Victor: Isn't that the same network The Super Crime Fighters airs on? Ashley: We're about to find out, your question and if the kids are in there. Julie: Hold it, I know we're on a mission, but we just barely got away with breaking into Ms. Chapley's house. How is this going to be any easier? Fiona: You leave that to me. (it cuts to them opening a vent. Emily takes out a q-tip and cleans it.) Emily: There you are. Man: Alright, guess I owe you something now, huh? Victor: We want in, that's what we want. Man: Here's the thing... I think I left my keycard at my desk. Julie: Can we at least crawl through here? Man: Knock yourselves out, you'd be punished if you find your way to the cooling system. Emily: Whatever. (the eight crawl into the vents.) Bernadette: You know personally, the vents were my first option. Ashley: Reminds me of my first few months in grade school. Julie: Quiet. No telling how close we are to the others, and their captor. (they see some flashing in one of the grates up ahead.) Bernadette: Good point. (They look through the grate.) Cr0: Once again, what makes betrayal good? All: The fact that it comes out of nowhere and it obviously had nothing to do with them blowing their money on cosmetics. Emily: This might seem odd, but I was kinda expecting there to be zombies at some point. Victor: Good, they won't know what hit them. Bernadette: They won't think about what' ll hit them, they'll be busy swarming us and making us one of them. Julie: Remember, they're our friends. Keep it non-fatal. Fiona: What're you talking about? At least one of them is not our friend. (they look and see Glan.) Victor: If we could get this right, we'd have our own slave. Ashley: Not if Francis calls it first. Jupiter: Hey, this grate sure is strong- (the grate collapses and the eight fall into the room below.) Glan: Wrong thinkers! All: Use their brains for badminton practice. Julie: Not on your life. We may be outnumbered, but we're not out. Victor: Speak for yourself. (Jupiter kisses him on the cheek.) Victor: What she said, we're number one! Julie: Congratulations. (Fiona takes on Alison and Colleen.) Fiona: I always wanted to do this. (Fiona bashes Alison and Colleen's heads together.) Julie: I may never get another chance to do this. (Julie kicks Francis.) (Victor attacks Dante.) Victor: This is for taking Julie to the dance! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! Julie: Dude, relax. Cr0: Everyone relax! Ashley: Aw, I wanted to attack someone. Cr0: There's a place for all of you, except for miscreants. Jupiter: Couldn't you just convert us? Ashley: Emily shut up shut up shut up. Cr0: Miscreants could never be good. Miscreants cause harm, go against the norm, want others to suffer. Julie: Really? If we wanted people to suffer, why would we go out of our way to save our friends from you? If we were miscreants, we'd just leave them to suffer. Cr0: Well, you- Ashley: And how is it right for us to suffer vehemently when those enacting the punishment are technically no better than us? Cr0: You- Fiona: And have you forgotten the fact that people are plotting against us? We got suspended for something we didn't do, all because our teacher hates us. Cr0: You're miscreants but they're miscreants, miscreants didn't do anything- 1, 0, 1, 0, 1, 1, 0, stay tuned for an all new Smallville. (Cr0 crashes. His grasp on the kids breaks.) Alison: Oh man, what happened? Colleen: Feel like I spent a day at the Spahn Ranch. Jenny: I feel like I had my eyes open for the past few months. Glan: AAAAAAAAGHHHHHH... Jenny: He looks like he had his brain sucked out. Alison: He's a goner it seems. Emily: It was bound to happen. He let a cartoon series dominate his life. Didn't give him much of a life to begin with anyways. Colleen: Is there a lesson in all of this? Julie: All I know is that we have some unfinished business to take care of. Colleen: We as in- Julie: Me and my gang. Er, wait, do we have any computer whizzes around here? Colleen: I reworked my folks' office computer to play old PC games. Emily: And I know my way around fried hardware. Victor: You girls go ahead, if I come too close I might get a headache. (later, we see Ms. Chapley at home. She sits at her desk and her phone rings, but she's unable to get up. she manages to get to the phone.) Ms. Chapley: I don't know what you're trying to pull, just quit while you're ahead, you'll never get back into school. Julie: Is that so? (Ms. Chapley sees the kids in the room.) Ms. Chapley: Yeah! That's so! Emily: You don't scare us Chapstick, at least not anymore. Ms. Chapley: Keep it up, you've already got two strikes, just more reason for me to put you cretins behind bars. Victor: I'd take you more seriously if you didn't have that phone stuck to your ear. Ms. Chapley: What do you- (Ms. Chapley pulls and sees the phone is stuck to her ear.) Ms. Chapley: Okay, this is real clever I'll give you that, but let me tell you this won't get you far. The suspension is final. Julie: I didn't even want to do this, but if you keep this up we're going to go drastic- Ms. Chapley: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO TO ME! You're not getting back into school, not get out of here or I'll- Cr0: Or you'll what? (Cr0 is revealed through a portable monitor the eight are carrying.) Ms. Chapley: I'll, I'll, what, do you want me to do? Julie: Write off the suspension. (Ms. Chapley shreds a form containing evidence of the suspension.) Emily: Call Mr. Kadic and confess. (Ms. Chapley calls Cosmo.) Ms. Chapley: Hello Cosmo, I may have given you the wrong information on those pranks. I did those and pinned it on those kids. Ashley: Wipe our permanent records. Julie: Seriously!? Ashley: We got her on the ropes, we might as well start fresh. Ms. Chapley: We don't have permanent records, that's just a means of getting people to behave. Julie: Anything else guys? Jupiter: Got any more cheese? Ms. Chapley: Check my mini fridge, I have cheddar. (the next day, everyone's in Ms. Chapley's class.) Alison: Did you hear what happened to Ms. Chapley? Colleen: Conspiracy, fraud, work suspension, anything else? Alison: How're you so ahead of me on these things? Colleen: I do my homework. Victor: Sound the alarm because the little guys fought the system and won! Alison: Guys, you're back! Emily: You had better believe it. Colleen: I'm sorry, are you eating cheese by the pound? Julie: Don't ask. Ashley: Say, what happened to Glan? Alison: After some convincing, let's just say we have a new mascot now. (it cuts to the gym during a pep rally.) Cheerleader: GO PSYCHOS! (Glan is seen writing around in the middle of the gym.) (back to the kids.) Emily: I'm just glad Mr. Kadic gave us that second chance. Cosmo: Yeah, about that, I only told you it would revoke your suspension to better encourage you to get everyone back. They'd fine you if your class is gone for more than a day without the proper paperwork. Victor: You mean we did all of that for nothing!? Cosmo: Hey, you're back in school and the real culprit was found, that's all that matters. Victor: Well you got me there. Cosmo: I'm just glad we don't have to put up with cartoon-related mishaps anymore. Tommy: You could say that again. We've decided to steer clear of cartoons for a while. Cosmo: Well thank goodness for that. Marie: Yeah, right now we're getting into R-rated movies. Cosmo: ...If you need me I'll be in Minnesota for the next few years... Jupiter: Take lots of pictures! (end)